When I first visited my boyfriend's family home (I was a college freshman; he, a sophomore), his mother said to him after I left the room, "I just don't know about Diana. She analyses things too much."
Thankfully, over these 45 years, I would propose that he either loves that I analyze, or he is a very good sport, or maybe he is a little crazy -- he certainly looks like that here.
Analyzing. Looking deeply.
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| The neighbor's oak in autumn |
That's why I love winter. The skeleton of trees and bushes are revealed, giving us a chance to study the structure. To look deeply.
And that's why I take pictures.
Ever since that day in fourth grade when I received my first camera (a Brownie with a bright blue body and a large silver dome for holding the big flash bulbs), everything I saw, I instantly examined in terms of structure, shadow/light, color, line. But most of all, structure. "What makes it what it is? What is at the heart of it?"
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| The oak in winter |
To this day, I live these questions 24/7. They are why I became a minister, a liturgical dancer, a mother. I want to get to the heart of things. My poor children have lived with a photographer mom. I ran out of film one time on a mission trip in Juarez. I quickly asked my friend if she had a roll to spare. Handing it to me she chuckled, "I bet your daughter doesn't have one undocumented moment."
It's not that I purposefully want to rob people of their privacy (I do hope my children will forgive me for a lifetime of being my subjects!); it's that I want to know what makes things click. Especially beautiful things. I want to know how things are put together. It's not that I want to pry. It's that I want to figure out how the parts join to make the whole. In other words, photography is the way I make sense of life.
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| My close-up lens |
Several years ago, John gave me a new lens for my camera. When I opened the box, I was more than surprised. I burst into tears.
To this day I can't tell you why that gift was so important. I think it may be that someone recognized this driving force underneath everything I do. And that he put money and effort behind the purchase that would enable me to see.
I finally had a tool for looking deeply into matter. That gift was poetic.
I am analyzing the structure of things, to get to the heart of the matter.
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| A tiny "Christmas tree" on our front porch |
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| The heart of a poinsettia |
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| My skillful, gardener friend brought me a basket full of these for Christmas |
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Now, my questions to you are these (I hope you'll answer with a comment below or with an email):
1. Do I owe an apology to my children for documenting nearly every one of their moments? If so, what should I say? Or is this just what comes with having a photographer-mom?
2. And further, is it important for us all to take more time to look at what is at the heart of things? To find out the structure? To see what makes people click?
It's something to think about. Maybe even analyze.
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| Giza, Egypt |
First, I'm studying blogging and I'm learning the value if commenting. I keep writing and re-writing my first post on my new site.
ReplyDeleteAnalytic thinking us what keeps us from being racist bigots and ignorant fools. Now that you mention it, it's having a analytical mind that keeps us curious enough to get to know our brothers and sisters.
Great post Rev Diana
Diana,
ReplyDeletenot, of course, that I have ever been accused of overanalyzing anything...but it doesn't seem like a vice to me. "Common sense" is just what everyone assumes to be true because it's what most people believe. As Glinda points out, it's often wrong, with disastrous results. I guess that's my answer to your second question: yes, I think it's very important to get to the heart of things so long as we bear in mind that the heart may be in different places for different people.
As for the first question, it seems to me that apologies are about both preserving our own moral integrity and repairing damaged relationships. So if you feel that you have damaged your relationship with your children by taking pictures of them, or damaged your own moral integrity by committing some transgression related to taking pictures of them and not apologizing for it, then perhaps you owe them an apology. Otherwise, I don't see why you would.
Thanks for the post!
NO apologies, for crying out loud! Capturing moments on film is a beautiful gift, and I bet your kids love it. Anyway, if it's wrong for you to analyze everything, it's wrong for me to do it, and I just can't bear that to be true! ;-) If I had a nickel for every time a person said to me, "You think too much," ... Well, I would say I could retire, but then what would I do with all my free time?? (Probably think too much! Ha!) I like to think that analyzing everything makes me more profound. (That's why I always know the answer. And I'm always right. Always. Because I have analyzed it, you know.)
ReplyDeleteYou Rock.